Shoulda Been Born a Jew

I’m 22 years old and my life is already a complete financial mess. I thought I would share a little of my unfortuante wisdom with anyone who would listen. I wish someone would have told this to me when I was younger.

1. Live with your parents as long as they’ll let you. (This wasn’t exactly an option for me, however, for most kids, their parents don’t want you to leave the nest.) Don’t listen to people who make fun of you for it. Who cares if you can’t have scandalous sex with any guy/gal you want to bring home. You are better off not screwing them anyway. Don’t be a big baby if they are still trying to give you rules. Most likely you can compromise with them. Not only will this save you a shit ton on rent, you’ll also get free food. Sounds awesome to me.

2. Don’t be a bum. Get a full time job & save your money. (Also not something I dealt with but have seen too many people close to me do this.) You’re an adult. Time to act like one. Your whole youth you are being prepared to be a responsible adult. Even if you’re a spoiled brat who doesn’t have to worry about money, chances are you will someday. Don’t sleep in until 3 in the afternoon everyday and spend the remainder of your day sitting on tumblr and staying out all night getting wasted with your friends. Contribute to the goddamn society.

“But I’m going to school full time, blah blah blah…” Great for you. This will be helpful in the future. It’s not the future though, it’s the present. I know plenty of students who work full time or 2 part time jobs. You may be getting financial aid, student loans, whatever, you’re still going to have to pay back a good chunk, if not all of that back. I worked full time in high school for God’s sake. You can at least manage a part time job, otherwise you’ve got more problems than you think.

3. Don’t buy things you can’t afford. If you need a loan to buy it, you can’t afford it. If you’re going to be counting pennies to pay for it, you can’t afford it. Here’s where I screwed up majorly. Need a car? Don’t have the money? Sounds like you don’t need it then. Any major city has a public transportation system. It’s there for people like you. Use it. Get a bike if you live in a small town. Pay a coworker to give you rides. Whatever it takes. You love this house/apartment/condo etc. but it’s a little over your price range. Walk away. It’s a place to sleep and make dinner. Who gives a shit. You can’t buy a new slut suit to attract all the wrong kinds of guys? Boofuckinghoo.

4. Don’t smoke cigarettes. Don’t do drugs. Don’t booze. Not because I give a shit about your heath. Get all the lung cancer/overdoses/alcohol poisoning you want although that’s gonna cost you too. I’m guilty of this, I don’t drink or do drugs, but my husband and I were at one point spending nearly $400 a month on cigarettes. We’ve cut back and started buying cartons from Indian Reservations and we’re still spending around $150 a month on it. Can you imagine what you could spend that money on? I can’t imagine how much heavy drug users are spending to permanently fuck their bodies up. Not to mention nearly every person I know between the ages of 18-24 who probably spend the same amount on alcohol as I do on cigarettes. I’ve got an idea, get a personality, don’t rely on alcohol to have a good time.

You CAN have a fun time while still being smart. I promise you, you WILL have a much easier life in the long run if you make good decisions in your young life. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, don’t ruin it before you get a chance to live.